Food and self worth

In my last appointment with my dietitian, she spoke of my bad food choices as indicators of the extremely low value in which I hold myself. That I wouldn't treat myself so badly (with all the junk food) if I valued myself as I should.

She asked me if I had to either make her eat the food I eat or throw it out for a week, which would I do? No other choices. I said that obviously I would throw it out. I knew she wasn't used to the food and I knew just how bad the food is. She pointed out this shows just how low I value myself and my health.

This came as a bit of a surprise to me because I had been feeling much better, and didn't feel like I had as low self esteem as I used to. I also thought of eating the junk food as a positive thing for myself, despite how bad it is, because I enjoy it and it tastes so good.

It is certainly something to think about. There is something in the idea anyway.

Five year engagement

I never thought we would have an engagement this long, but here we are just shy of five years being engaged, with who knows how long to go. We want to get married in May 2018, but with moving out having to happen before then, and me finding a more steady job before that, it seems unlikely.

It's great I have a job now, along with my volunteering, and my health is finally stable, but there is so much to achieve, that I worry we'll never get there.

I have started my job hunt again but I feel deflated by all the criteria I do not meet.

I still struggle with my junk food addiction, and I am refocusing on it and working on it again, but it is so hard. There is so much less support and information out there for this type of addiction, unlike addictions to gambling, smoking, drugs or drinking. I just feel bummed a lot when I fall off the wagon so to speak.

I need rejuvenation and more confidence. I need to succeed and not fail...again.